I feel empathy for your position; it's hard to swim upstream. At some level (for your male partners, who aren't yet equipped to have the difficult conversations) there is no substitute for courage, and for building the capacity to navigate emotional conversations... and that is their work to do. For me a huge priority in relationship is people who are willing to do inner-work and have a growth mindset, for this reason.

For you I would encourage honoring your own needs and boundaries, and pursuing relationships with people capable of meeting you there (understandably challenging in small towns or more conservative contexts). I wish you all the best.