Intentions for 2022: what you pay attention to, grows
I love the new year: it’s the most universal “holiday” we have as a species (even if many traditions follow a lunar or seasonal calendar, at least the idea of a new year). I love the moment of transition between old and new, between retrospection and aspirational intention: a ceremonial crossing of thresholds.
Over the last few years I’ve embraced this transition with more intentionality. I’ve settled into a reflective/retrospective practice: a “year in review” that looks back on my learning journey and key take-aways, crediting those sources of wisdom that proved most influential on my thinking and practice. I also send a “new year’s note” to friends and colleagues, reflecting on the year behind but explicitly looking to the year ahead: sharing aspirations, naming intentions.
Intention-setting for me is about how we want to use our most precious resource: our attention. For as adrienne maree brown reminds us: what you pay attention to, grows.
From Centered Accountability… to Forward Stance?
I was inspired by reading Andrea Mignolo’s process to focus more proactively this year on naming a theme. Usually I do it in retrospect: 2021 for me was a year of focusing on “centered accountability” (the art of discerning what is mine to do, and what is not: holding on, and letting go… the title of last year’s new year’s note and subject of my first newsletter post of the year).
In 2022 I want to practice the art of “forward stance.” I don’t love the term, but I love the concept, as best-expressed by the folks at Forward Together (who now call it “courageous practice”). I’m looking for something that is a combination of centered accountability (in my integrity and dignity); an aspect of momentum, of moving in the direction of my purpose and vision (the Presencing Institute calls this “action confidence”); and a softness/openness/vulnerability: a posture that is resolute but not rigid (I love the newly-named “Fierce Vulnerability” Network, which gets at some of this). I’ll keep looking for a term that conveys this sentiment.
From inquiry to perspective
The thing I’m coming to that I want to approach more systematically this year is naming the key inquiries that I want to devote my energy to… and the containers within which I will explore them. I think of this not as things I want to solve or resolve, but rather things I want to take a perspective on. Something I want to understand enough to know how I want to approach it.
I want to name four here that I intend to devote significant energy to in 2022… and invite others to join me, and share their own priorities and intentions. In no particular order:
Post-gender: in search of new aspirational identities
The inquiry: what does it mean to be a man, or a woman, or a nonbinary person… in the post-patriarchal future I long for? My exploration into patriarchy led me to the conclusion that we need to abolish the social construction of gender (at least as defined/understood under patriarchy). But of course we will still have the biological reality of sexes (in all their pluralism!). My instinct says there is something important about honoring the unique role that women (and people who can have babies) play in birthing children. (e.g. do we imagine a meaningful distinction between the roles of grandmothers and grandfathers… or is it sufficient to hold a role for elders?) Honestly, I’m not sure. I want to think about it, with others who share a vision for a post-patriarchal future.
Why this matters: the crisis of masculinity is one of the key fracture points driving the rise of authoritarianism today… and progressive movements (and our political leaders in particular) have no answer. I think this is a big reason why: we know what we don’t want (toxic masculinity!) but don’t yet have an aspirational vision for what our identities might look like in the future we purport to desire. Into that vacuum the far-right is elevating a revanchist version of hyper-masculinity that is extremely dangerous… and we (those of us who want a post-patriarchal future) have no answer. Or at least, not one that doesn’t preserve the very binary we seek to transcend (masculine/feminine, male/female, etc.) I don’t think we can come up with a coherent narrative and collective aspirational identity without offering a perspective on this core question.
The container/community: I don’t yet know the container within which I want to explore this question. I have some ideas about who I want to be in dialogue with: ALOK Vaid-Menon, Pat McCabe, Judith Butler… maybe Claire Heuchan? More people who are asking (and trying to answer!) the question Morgan Pratt poses here.
Post-capitalism: abundance and the gift economy
The inquiry: how do we do our best to meet everyone’s needs… at every scale? How do we structure our society and economy to that end… without exploitation or coercion? You know, easy stuff :-) I’ve been orbiting around this question for years, and finally dove in with more intentionality in 2021. In particular, I think working explicitly with money as a domain of transformation is provocative and fascinating. If you want a provocative question that can keep you going all year, here it is: how much is enough? Money yes, but everything that capitalism tells us we need.
Why this matters: I believe capitalism is collapsing under the weight of its own contradictions… but I’m concerned that its death throes will be violent without a compelling way of organizing ourselves and imagining our economies arising to take its place. I’m excited by all the work that’s been done around “just transition” and solidarity economies, and the burgeoning pandemic discourse around mutual aid. But: still far too few people are seriously addressing the question of global economic governance in a way that strives to meet everyone’s needs without resorting to domination or coercion… or destroying the planet. It’s a vital question, and one I want to continue to explore at a fractal level.
The container: I’ll continue to do this both through Building Belonging’s transformative philanthropy cohorts, as well as Jia (Carol) Xu’s latest offering exploring these questions… and will be looking for other domains of practice and experimentation at different fractal scales.
Liberatory governance: how do we organize ourselves?
The inquiry: how do we get things done… without coercion? How do we organize ourselves, collaborate, make decisions, navigate conflict, promote and practice accountability… without hierarchical systems of domination? How do we hold, wield, and navigate power? What does leadership look like in a world where no one is forced to follow?
Why this matters: this is the core insight of Grace Lee Boggs, echoing Gandhi before her. We have to BE the change: what we practice is what we create. We cannot build a liberatory world with movements (or organizations) built on domination hierarchies. As a species — and in social justice communities in particular — we are recognizing this and rapidly iterating (I love Change Elemental’s series of blogs sharing their ongoing journey), but we are way behind where we need to be.
The container: I’m leaning toward two to start. First, Sociocracy for All’s year-long Sociocracy Academy (I love Ted Rau’s work and deeply respect their organizational values). And I’m looking at a couple opportunities in/adjacent to Building Belonging: a circle Abe Greenspoon is developing, and perhaps a collaborative space with a few others out there practicing different dimensions of liberatory governance (power, money, equity, structure, process…)
Sex, desire, consent, and ethical non-monogamy
The inquiry: how can sexual intimacy and eroticism be a domain of transformation at an individual and societal level? Also a domain I started exploring with more intentionality in the last few years, inspired by adrienne maree brown’s Pleasure Activism, my work on patriarchy, but also a lifelong discomfort with the rigid societal boundaries of monogamy (if something like half of all supposedly “monogamous” relationships involve cheating… isn’t that a sign that the structure isn’t working?). I’ve been reading Dan Savage for decades, and have been really impressed with new offerings challenging dominant culture in this domain from Esther Perel, Emily Nagoski, and more.
After my newsletter post exploring this topic, I’ve been inspired to expand my sources more intentionally to include the brain and body-expanding provocations from the ethnical non-monogamy community (an umbrella term for any consensual relationships that fall outside the dyad of how we traditionally understand monogamy). Of necessity — innovation from the margins — advanced practitioners in those communities have evolved deeply nuanced practices around consent, communication, and boundaries that I think those of us in monogamous relationships can learn from. I’m particularly interested in the more explicitly somatic aspects of exploring embodied eroticism (Gwyneth Paltrow’s new Netflix series, if you can get over the Goop, introduced me to the concept of “somatic sexology”: yes please!)
Why this matters: As Esther Perel notes:
“Sexuality is a fascinating lens into society… the most radical and progressive changes in a society occur around sex. And the most archaic and regressive parts of society are also connected to sexuality.”
I don’t think we can experience true belonging without stepping into sexuality with intentionality. It’s a two-step: learning first to belong in our bodies (loving our embodies selves)… and then transcending that self, surrendering into the intimacy of erotic relationship. Along with the gender inquiry above (really, all four of these inquiries are related, as they’re all about subverting domination hierarchies and exploring noncoercive ways of relating instead), this is a core area upon which much else turns. The right-wing backlash understands this intuitively, which is why so many efforts focus on controlling and policing sexuality (and women’s sexuality in particular). It also shows up in our parenting: I desperately want to bring a sex-positive frame to my children… but I’m not sure I myself fully embody it. What might be possible if people felt liberated to explore their sexuality and desires, free from the oppressive weight of patriarchy? Might that exploration itself be a key lever to dismantle patriarchy?
The container: in addition to the loving container that is my marriage (celebrating our 14th anniversary in 2022!), I’m also considering course offerings from groups like ISTA and HAI Global, and may join some online communities around some of the voices I follow in this space (e.g. I like Chris & Charlotte at Pleasure Mechanics, and the Multiamory podcast folks, both of whom have online communities of practice…). I’m particularly interested in spaces that explicitly connect the personal and political: for me this isn’t only or even primarily about an individual journey toward pleasure (what I tend to see as the sexual equivalent of spiritual bypassing) but is inextricably connected to my political commitments… I haven’t yet found a community of practice that quite hits that mark. If you know of any, please chime in: this is very much an open domain of inquiry for me.
What all of these inquiries have in common: I don’t think there’s any path to belonging (or liberation) for us as a species without a coherent perspective on these questions. And each of them lend themselves to a core premise of Building Belonging: they can be engaged at any fractal level of scale (I, We, or World)… and thus aspirations for the macro can be tested at the micro level.
Some inquiries that I continue to circle around that haven’t yet crystallized into intentions:
- Relationship to land (re-indigeneity)
- Parenting for liberation (obviously an ongoing practice, but I haven’t yet decided where it lives in my broader intentions for the year)
- The commons, material and technological: what are norms for how we steward and govern the commons that are in integrity with the world we long for?
- Education for transformation: what would a cradle to college curriculum and set of principles look like if we were to imagine it from scratch? The teacher/student relationship, the container within which we learn, the key priorities and capacities we want to instill
And of course many more. Our 6.5 year-old recently wrote up a proposal for a new club: “The Club That Studies Everything.” Count me in.
In community,
Brian
